My short story “The Stare” was published in Thema (Spring 2021) in the US. The story was first published in New Straits Times in Malaysia back in 1986. That’s 35 years ago, so I guess it has a timeless quality about it. I got the idea after visiting an old Malay cemetery and wrote about it in Story Behind the Story. This is the fifth short story published in Thema, four from the Lovers and Strangers Revisited collection.
Koh
doesn’t bother to respond, his attention drawn to the mournful sound of someone
playing the saxophone. He stretches and
rubs his aching back.
Koh
and Tan are Johnny’s immediate neighbors.
The Koh’s terrace house is on the left, while Tan, a bachelor, lives on
the right. The medium-income housing
area is new, less than two years old.
Malays, Chinese and Indians live together in relative harmony—a mini
Malaysia. The streets are narrow,
though, with no sidewalks to walk on because of the uncovered monsoon
drains. Neighbors must walk on the
street where they also stop and chat, moving aside to let an occasional car
pass by.
Across
the street, Miss Chee, a secondary school teacher, slender with short black
hair and razor-sharp bangs, unlocks her gate and lets out her white
Pomeranian. Upon noticing Mr. and Mrs.
Koh standing in front of Leong’s gate, she waves and crosses the street to join
them. She realizes that Tan, the new
math teacher at Penang Free School, is with them. She blushes, but it’s too late to turn back
or he may think she’s avoiding him or being rude.
Mrs.
Koh, peering through the car side window, doesn’t see a mess, although she’s
convinced the evidence is just waiting for her to find. She looks up to see Miss Chee approaching. Before anyone has a chance to speak, Mrs. Koh
blurts out, “Hear about Johnny?”
Taken
aback, Miss Chee asks a bit nervously, “Were he and Veronica fighting again?”
Mrs.
Koh’s beady eyes light up like shiny new coins.
“Did you hear them fighting this morning?” She turns to her husband with an
I-told-you-so look on her face.
“Wait
a minute, were they fighting?” Tan asks, glancing at Koh.
“No,
they weren’t fighting,” Koh says, glaring at his wife. “I told you that already. I was outside all morning, and I would’ve
heard them.”
“I
didn’t think so,” Tan says, adjusting his glasses. “When Veronica and Lily stepped outside, they
seemed perfectly fine. In fact, they
smiled and waved like they normally do.”
Mrs.
Koh twitches her nose. “Veronica didn’t
say where they were going, did she?
Gambling, that’s where! Every
Sunday she plays mahjong and I’m sure she’s in debt!” She pauses to catch their surprised
reaction. To prove her point, she adds, “She
once tried to borrow money from Koh.”
“She
only wanted five ringgit-lah, to buy
some vegetables,” Koh says, shaking his head.
“She didn’t have time to go to the bank.”
“You’re
not her bank either! Otherwise, she’d be
borrowing from you all the time,” Mrs. Koh says. “Thank heavens you didn’t give her any.”
“You
wouldn’t let me,” he says, “and she’s our neighbor!”
“It’s
bad enough she’s always collecting advance money for her meals, and now that
Johnny’s dead—”
Miss
Chee’s mouth drops open. “Dead?”
“He’s
not dead yet,” Koh says to his wife.
“He’s still breathing.”
“Dead? Still breathing?” Miss Chee’s mouth goes slack as she looks
from Koh to Tan for some answers.
“He’s
as good as dead,” Mrs. Koh snaps.
Miss
Chee gasps in frustration, “I don’t understand…who? Who are you talking about? Johnny?
Is he all right?”
“All
right? He’s all wrong,” Mrs. Koh says. “Him and his whole family!”
“Johnny
tried to commit suicide this morning,” Koh explains to Miss Chee.
“Wah!
But why?”
“Because
Veronica ran up all those gambling debts!” Mrs. Koh says.
Koh
glowers at his wife. “We don’t know
that. We do know he drank
weed-killer. He was drinking it with his
beer.”
Mrs.
Koh plants her hands squarely on her hips.
“Drinking! That’s all that man
did—sit around and drink. And that—that
Veronica! The way she lets that daughter
of hers run around like some tramp!”
Miss
Chee’s eyes open wide. “Lily? She’s an all-A student.” She leans toward Tan and says in a low voice,
“Lily is my best student.”
Tan
nods and smiles at her politely. Again,
he adjusts his glasses even though they seem perfectly fine.
Miss
Chee hesitates, but then asks Tan, “When did you find Johnny?”
“Just
before noon,” Koh replies. “Isn’t that
right, Tan?”
“Yes,
about noon.”
Mrs.
Koh nods. “Koh told me he heard Johnny groaning
one hour after Veronica took Lily gambling.
I just happened to look at my watch when they passed by.”
“I
didn’t hear the groaning until after Tan called me from his gate,” Koh says, giving
a salute to Tan. “If it wasn’t for Tan,
Johnny might already be dead.”
“And
you had to put him in our brand
new car!” Mrs. Koh says. “Just
imagine if he died there. All the bad
luck it’d bring, and with the New Year just around the corner! We’d have to sell it, and it’s not even two
months old!”
Dr. Nathan, an Indian
dentist who lives next door to Miss Chee, waves at them from his car window as
he slows down. He
stops in front of his gate, gets out and unlocks it before driving inside. Instead of closing and locking his gate, he waves and crosses the street to join
them. He extends his hand to Koh,
one of his patients.
“A fine Sunday afternoon,”
Nathan says.
“Not
for Johnny,” Mrs. Koh replies. “He’s
dead.”
“Alamak!”
“He’s
not dead yet,” Koh says, shaking Nathan’s hand.
“Tan and I just took Johnny to the General Hospital. He tried to commit suicide by drinking Paraquat. We finally managed to contact his son, and
he’s over there now. Veronica and Lily
haven’t been told yet. We don’t know how
to contact them.”
“For
heaven’s sake,” Nathan says, and looks as if he just pulled the wrong tooth. “I never realized. Just last New Year—yes, it was just last New
Year Johnny had that party and everyone was there…having a grand time.”
“Especially
Koh,” Mrs. Koh says, eyeing him. “He was
so drunk I had to drag him home.”
“I
was not drunk! I was celebrating!”
“Celebrating,
ha! That’s what you call it! You had a hangover and missed work for two
days!”
“I
was on annual leave,” Koh corrects.
“Same
thing. You missed work!”
Nathan
rubs his balding head and asks, “Who found Johnny?”
Miss
Chee nods at Tan and says, “Mr. Tan did.
He heard Johnny groaning.”
“I
can’t take all the credit, Miss Chee.
Your name is Miss Chee, am I correct?”
“Why yes…it is,” Miss Chee replies, her
smile widening. “My friends call me
Alice.”
“My
friends and my patients call me Nathan.”
He offers his hand to Tan, who introduces himself.
“Anyway,
it was Koh who went inside the house first,” Tan said. “And he called the ambulance.”
“But we decided not to wait,” Koh says. “The hospital kept asking all these foolish
questions that we couldn’t answer, so we took him in ourselves.”
“In
our BRAND NEW CAR!” Mrs. Koh says.
“You
have a new car. I never realized,”
Nathan says. “I remember my first new
car, a Proton Saga—the very year it came out, mind you. Our national car. We’ve certainly come a long way since
Independence, haven’t we?” Nathan’s
smile overflows with pride. “Now Johnny,
he was a good neighbor. Yes, a good
neighbor, even though he owes me for treatment. Root canals aren’t cheap, you know.”
“That
reminds me,” Koh says, “my tooth has been hurting again.”
“Oh,
dear,” Nathan says. “You mustn’t wait,
or you could find yourself in a lot of pain.
That’s what happened to Johnny.
He waited until the pain was simply unbearable.”
“Should
I call your office for an appointment or just drop by?”
Two
passing motorcycles drown out Nathan’s reply.
Miss
Chee’s dog barks, feigning chase; after a few frantic steps, it returns to Miss
Chee.
“Ramli’s
kids!” Mrs. Koh says, staring down the street after them. “Race here, race there. Last week I saw one of them teaching Lily how
to ride. I don’t know why Veronica lets
her daughter—at that age—run around with boys.
I’d never let my daughter do that! And today, of all days, she takes Lily
gambling!”
Nathan
scratches an ear. “Oh dear, I never
realized Veronica gambles.”
Mrs.
Koh is nodding. “Every Sunday she goes
to her cousin’s house in Air Itam.
That’s where she gambles! Every Sunday!”
“You
told me you had no idea where Veronica went,” Koh says, annoyed, frowning at his
wife. “Johnny’s son was trying to reach
her.”
Mrs.
Koh crosses her arms in defiance. “It’s
none of my business where she gambles!”
“You
should never gamble with your teeth,” Nathan says to Tan, and passes him a business
card. “If you ever need a reliable
dentist, I live right across the street.
You can’t get more reliable than a neighbor.”
Ramli,
an elderly Malay, his back ramrod straight, sells satay at the night markets. He walks in the middle of the street and nods
to Tan, one of his regular customers.
“My
eldest daughter tells me Johnny hasn’t been at school the past three days,”
Ramli says. “Then yesterday she saw him
walking along the main road carrying a helmet without his motorcycle. Imagine that!”
Miss
Chee asks Tan in a low voice, “Is Johnny a teacher?”
“No,”
Tan replies, “he’s a janitor at my school.”
“A
dead janitor,” Mrs. Koh says.
“Dead? Don’t talk about dead. No joke-lah!”
Ramli gazes from face to face as if he missed the punch line to a sick joke,
though hoping someone will explain it to him.
“So, who’s dead? Huh?”
“Johnny,
but he’s not quite dead—at least not yet,” Koh says. “But he did try to kill himself by drinking Paraquat.”
“Paraquat? Ya
Allah!” Ramli’s dark brown eyes roll
upwards toward heaven.
“Koh
heard him groaning around noon,” Mrs. Koh says.
“One hour after Veronica took Lily gambling.”
“Wasn’t
it Tan who heard the groaning?” Miss
Chee glances at Tan for confirmation.
Koh
nods. “That’s right. If it wasn’t for Tan, Johnny might already be
dead.”
“It
has to be about money-lah,” Ramli says
to no one in particular.
Everyone
looks at him.
“Why
else would he sell his motorcycle?”
“He’s
right-lah,” Koh says. “Why else?”
“I
bet it’s because he’s involved with another woman!” Mrs. Koh says. “Wouldn’t surprise me! He might even have a second family! Imagine that!”
Tan
and Ramli glance doubtfully at one another.
They shrug, suggesting that it’s possible.
“Gambling,
drinking, womanizing—what a family! And
broke!” Mrs. Koh says.
“Now
I’ll never get that root canal bill paid,” Nathan says, and grimaces.
“I’m
sure Johnny has some insurance somewhere,” Tan says, trying to be helpful.
Koh
frowns as if he just discovered dog poop stuck to the bottom of his shoe.
“Well
if he does, he didn’t buy it from me,” Koh says. “I must’ve asked him a half dozen
times. What good did it do me? And I’m his neighbor!”
“My
elder son offered to buy Johnny’s motorcycle for its license plate number for
good money, too,” Ramli says. “Now look at
what he did, sold it to a stranger!”
Miss
Chee watches her dog go back and forth across the street. She sighs in exasperation. “It’s a good thing Veronica has that catering
business to fall back on, if worst comes to worst.” She catches Tan’s gaze. “Are you buying from her?”
“Well,
no, not yet,” Tan replies, “but I was thinking about it.”
“It
must be difficult living on your own like that.”
“I’ve
been living on my own for fifteen years,” Nathan says, “and I can cook,
too.”
Miss
Chee smiles politely. “Now if Johnny
doesn’t make it—”
“He
won’t if he drank Paraquat,” Ramli says.
“That one’s a sure killer.”
“Either
way,” Miss Chee says, “I’m sure the good Lord will look after Veronica and
Lily.”
Tan
asks, “Are they Christian?”
“He
has a Christian name, doesn’t he!” Mrs. Koh says, pointing out the obvious. “So does Veronica and Lily!”
“Come
to think of it,” Koh says, scratching his head, “I don’t think they are. In fact, I think they’re Buddhists. Or used to be. With Johnny, you can never tell. Besides, back in school many of us added
Christian names but we weren’t Christian.
Even you did, long before you converted.”
“That
doesn’t make it right,” Mrs. Koh says. “It’s
misleading!”
Tan says, “Unless I’m mistaken, Johnny once told me
he was a free-thinker.”
Koh
chuckles. “That’s Johnny for you. Since he works at Penang Free School,
he likes everything free.” He
laughs at his own joke.
“You
should know,” Mrs. Koh says, “you’re always there drinking his free beer.”
“You’re
just jealous that Johnny never invites you over.”
“I
wouldn’t go even if Johnny and Veronica begged me.”
Tan
gazes at the round concrete table and stools not far from Johnny’s gate. He clears his voice and says to Miss Chee,
“We used to sit there and talk. The very
night I moved in—even though I was a total stranger—Johnny invited me
over. We must’ve sat up half the night
philosophizing about everything under the sun.”
Guilt creeps into his eyes. “Just
last night I was over there.”
“I
saw you.” Miss Chee blushes as Tan looks
at her with surprise. “I happened to glance
down from my bedroom window.”
Tan
gazes at the window, then at Miss Chee. “I
think Johnny was just lonely.”
“You
think he’s lonely?” Nathan says. “My
wife has been dead fifteen years. Fifteen years! Johnny can’t be lonely, not with a wife and
daughter at home. And his son comes
visiting often enough.”
“Johnny
has a son?” Ramli ponders this. “I thought he only has a daughter.”
“Danny’s
his name,” Miss Chee says. “He was one
of my first students. A bright student
at that.”
“Yes,
we had a long talk at that New Year party,” Nathan says. “Danny’s a good boy with a good job.”
“Good
boy, ha!” Mrs. Koh says. “Ever since he
became a big shot at the bank, he certainly acts like one—living in town and
wasting money paying extra rent. What
for? A good boy would stay at home and
help his father pay the bills, especially the way Veronica gambles and throws
away money on Lily. Always buying her
the latest styles.”
“At
least Veronica works,” Koh says.
Mrs.
Koh twitches her nose. “Her food isn’t
much to talk about. So bland! And she’s always asking for advance
money. Why can’t her son give her some
of his money? Huh?”
“I
wish my elder two sons would settle down and find good jobs like that,” Ramli says. “Before I was twenty, I had a job, a house
and a wife! Back in those days, boys had
more responsibilities.”
“It
sure would be nice if your sons stopped racing up and down the street,” Mrs.
Koh says. “The noise is deafening!”
“See! See!
That’s what happens when grown boys stay at home!” Ramli says, raising his
arms in surrender. “They get
restless! Only a wife will settle them
down. A wife and a job will teach them
some responsibilities. If you ask me,
Johnny had it too easy. Too easy. He has a working wife and only two
children. One living on his own at
that. Look at me, six of them, and a
mother-in law at home! You don’t see me
committing suicide, do you?”
Mrs.
Koh stares past Nathan’s shoulder to one of the houses further up the street. “Who’s
playing that—that thing, anyway?”
“It’s
a saxophone,” Koh says. He fingers his
mole hair and listens more closely.
Mrs.
Koh says, “People shouldn’t play those things unless they already know how!”
“If
he doesn’t practice,” Koh says, “how can he know how? When I was a boy, I had an old trumpet and would
practice all day.”
Koh
smiles to himself and closes his eyes, remembering.
Ramli
strains his neck to see around the others.
“Look, here comes Veronica.”
All
of them turn to look.
Veronica
and Lily are walking side by side, each carrying several plastic bags.
Koh
turns to his wife. “Looks like they
didn’t go gambling, only shopping.”
Mrs.
Koh twitches her nose in defiance and peers around their car to get a better
look.
Miss
Chee asks, “Think she knows about Johnny?”
Mrs.
Koh shakes her head. “I bet she was too
busy spending all her money on that daughter of hers to know anything.”
“If
you ask me,” Ramli says, “Johnny had it too easy. Too easy.”
“I
hope they don’t move,” Miss Chee says.
“Lily is my best student.”
“Don’t
even mention it,” Nathan says, “or I’ll lose two more patients.”
“Of
course they’ll move,” Mrs. Koh says.
“Wouldn’t you move if your husband commits suicide in your own
home?”
“I’m
not married,” Miss Chee replies, glancing at Tan.
“Hey,
what time is it?” Koh asks. “There’s a
football match I want to watch!”
“Oh
my, it’s going on one,” Nathan says, glancing at the time. “I haven’t had my lunch yet. No wonder I feel hungry.”
“I
got to run-lah,” Koh says, and
hurries next door.
Tan
asks, “Who’s going to tell Veronica?”
Miss
Chee looks down at her dog, and Ramli and Nathan both shrug as they return to
their respective terrace houses.
“Not me,” Mrs. Koh says, anxious to leave before Veronica and Lily arrive at their gate. “It’s none of my business.”
