Last week I was called to school on behalf of my six-year old son who has developed a rather bad attitude toward school. He can’t be bothered about losing his pencils and erasures. He can’t be bothered with finding his notebooks. They’re in his bag somewhere but he won’t look for it. He just tells the teacher, it’s not there. He’s the same with homework. Can’t be bothered to write it down properly, let alone actually doing it!
Got two calls two days in a row, so I went to school on a little fact finding mission to see what’s really going on. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as I was led to believe. Primary school kids, the headmistress told me, were constantly dropping stuff and not bothering to pick it up. They constantly misplaced their books, and—believe it or not—really don't like to do their homework!
The biggest problem, as far as I could see, was his attitude. If we could change his attitude toward school and teach him to be a little more responsible about his pencil case, his books, and his homework . . .
How about your own attitude? Is it as good as you think it is? Our attitude is based largely on our belief system, a system that was put into place when we were children, stuff we picked up from our parents and relatives, from our teachers, from our classmates, and from our friends. How we view success and failure. How we view money. How we view work. How we view ourselves. That’s our belief system, and like most normal people, it is largely based on negative beliefs. Ask yourself, how do you view wealthy people? Is it positive or mostly negative? How do you view your own success? Is it positive or mostly negative? Are you diligently striving toward your goals or complaining about how unfair life is? Or how bad the economy is? Or how you can’t get any decent breaks?
What many success psychologists say, our belief system is holding us back. And the biggest part of that belief system is fear. Our fear of failure, fear of rejection, and our fear of success! But who in their right mind would be afraid of success? A lot of people. With success comes responsibilities. With success comes pressure to maintain that success. A lot of people believe, once you are successful, once you’re on top, the only way is down.
Lisa Jimenez, author of Conquer Fear, says “Fear is the dominant problem in your life today.” She also says “Fear is a gift that was instilled in you as a means of protection and way to bring you closer to God.” But “when you run away from or deny your fear, you leave the gift unopened. “ However, “when your fear of success or fear of failure is exposed,” she added, “you break through their control over you. Your belief system is the driving force behind your behaviors and your results.” She says, “Your everyday habits are broadcasting your belief system, your fear, and your unmet needs loud and clear.”
This explains why we often put stuff off until the last minute, or why we dramatize stuff when it goes wrong so we can “be the star in our own live dramas!” See, the whole world is out to get me! No wonder I can’t get a head. If you had a boss (spouse) like mine…
Lisa also said:
Change your beliefs and you change your behaviors.
Change your behaviors and you change your results.
Change your results and you change your life.
It’s not easy. To change your belief system, first you have to acknowledge that it was you all along who was holding yourself back. That’s hard on the ego! Here’s a video of Lisa Jimenez talking about the day she realized that she, too, had a fear of success. But once she realized that, and changed her belief system, and started to do the things that would make her business a success, she became . . . wildly successful. It all began when she learned to get out of her own way!
So ask yourself, are you ready to take that big leap? I am. Not only am I willing to change my own belief system about success, but also change my son's belief system about school.
--Robert Raymer, Borneo Expat Writer
--Robert Raymer, Borneo Expat Writer
Here are links to some of my author-to-author interviews of first novelists:
Ivy Ngeow author of Cry of the Flying Rhino, winner of the 2016 Proverse Prize.
Golda Mowe author of Iban Dream and Iban Journey.
Preeta Samarasan author of Evening is the Whole Day.
Chuah Guat Eng, author of Echoes of Silence and Days of Change.
Five part Maugham and Me series
Beheaded on Road to Nationhood: Sarawak Reclaimed—Part I