Back to School—Change Your Belief System!

Last week I was called to school on behalf of my six-year old son who has developed a rather bad attitude toward school.  He can’t be bothered about losing his pencils and erasures.  He can’t be bothered with finding his notebooks. They’re in his bag somewhere but he won’t look for it.  He just tells the teacher, it’s not there.  He’s the same with homework.  Can’t be bothered to write it down properly, let alone actually doing it!
 

Got two calls two days in a row, so I went to school on a little fact finding mission to see what’s really going on.  Thankfully, it’s not as bad as I was led to believe.  Primary school kids, the headmistress told me, were constantly dropping stuff and not bothering to pick it up.  They constantly misplaced their books, and—believe it or not—really don't like to do their homework!

The biggest problem, as far as I could see, was his attitude.  If we could change his attitude toward school and teach him to be a little more responsible about his pencil case, his books, and his homework . . .

How about your own attitude?  Is it as good as you think it is?  Our attitude is based largely on our belief system, a system that was put into place when we were children, stuff we picked up from our parents and relatives, from our teachers, from our classmates, and from our friends.  How we view success and failure.  How we view money.  How we view work.  How we view ourselves.  That’s our belief system, and like most normal people, it is largely based on negative beliefs.  Ask yourself, how do you view wealthy people?  Is it positive or mostly negative?  How do you view your own success? Is it positive or mostly negative?  Are you diligently striving toward your goals or complaining about how unfair life is?  Or how bad the economy is?  Or how you can’t get any decent breaks?

What many success psychologists say, our belief system is holding us back.  And the biggest part of that belief system is fear.  Our fear of failure, fear of rejection, and our fear of success! But who in their right mind would be afraid of success?  A lot of people.  With success comes responsibilities.  With success comes pressure to maintain that success.  A lot of people believe, once you are successful, once you’re on top, the only way is down. 

Lisa Jimenez, author of Conquer Fear, says “Fear is the dominant problem in your life today.”  She also says “Fear is a gift that was instilled in you as a means of protection and way to bring you closer to God.” But “when you run away from or deny your fear, you leave the gift unopened. “ However, “when your fear of success or fear of failure is exposed,” she added, “you break through their control over you.  Your belief system is the driving force behind your behaviors and your results.”  She says, “Your everyday habits are broadcasting your belief system, your fear, and your unmet needs loud and clear.” 

This explains why we often put stuff off until the last minute, or why we dramatize stuff when it goes wrong so we can “be the star in our own live dramas!”   See, the whole world is out to get me!  No wonder I can’t get a head.  If you had a boss (spouse) like mine…

Lisa also said:

Change your beliefs and you change your behaviors.

Change your behaviors and you change your results.

Change your results and you change your life.  

It’s not easy. To change your belief system, first you have to acknowledge that it was you all along who was holding yourself back.  That’s hard on the ego!  Here’s a video of Lisa Jimenez talking about the day she realized that she, too, had a fear of success.  But once she realized that, and changed her belief system, and started to do the things that would make her business a success, she became . . . wildly successful.  It all began when she learned to get out of her own way!

So ask yourself, are you ready to take that big leap?  I am.  Not only am I willing to change my own belief system about success, but also change my son's belief system about school.
              --Robert Raymer, Borneo Expat Writer 

Here are links to some of my author-to-author interviews of first novelists:

Ivy Ngeow author of Cry of the Flying Rhino, winner of the 2016 Proverse Prize.

Golda Mowe author of Iban Dream and Iban Journey.

Preeta Samarasan author of Evening is the Whole Day. 

Chuah Guat Eng,  author of Echoes of Silence and Days of Change. 

Plus:

Five part Maugham and Me series

Beheaded on Road to Nationhood: Sarawak Reclaimed—Part I 

Passion, Patience, Perseverance

"I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy,” George Burns once said, “than be a success at something I hate." This most definitely applies to writing.  It applies to life, too, doesn’t it?

Two weeks ago, The Power of Five  was such a success for me trying to sell my writing assets that I upped it to ten last week and this week also to ten to end September on a high note, to make up for what didn't get sent out in August and the first half of the month.  Enthusiasm breeds discipline just like success breeds success. If something is working, stick with it, make it a habit.  Turn it into a game.  Play with the numbers.  How many can I send out before I break for lunch?  How many before I call it a day?  What else can I do today to help myself move my career forward?  Finally, I’m getting my work out there on a consistent basis. I’m letting editors and agents also know that, hey, I have something of value that you might be interested in. 

Come October, knowing that I kept my Power-of-Five commitment into its third week, I'll do the daily double, advancing a major project in the mornings and marketing my work in the afternoon, day in, day out for an entire month.  I want to face both fears each day and see what magic I can create. 

There’s a fine line between success and failure and the difference is fear.  We often fear, on a subconscious level, both failure (being called a loser or a washed up writer) and also success (all that hard work to get there and the pressure to stay there–that second novel syndrome).  That explains why we so sometimes “drop the ball”.  Why we suddenly misplace important information that’s critical to our success (a document, an important email address), or procrastinate until the last moment, thus guaranteeing that we do a rushed job to beat the deadline, if we complete it in at all. Or we make ourselves too busy to get around to the important career-making stuff by busying ourselves with busywork!   “Look, I’m so busy!”  But busy doing what?  Been there, done that, too.  

These are all self-sabotaging actions that’s caused by our unconscious belief system that we “don’t deserve success”, or “that we’re not good enough” or we’re afraid we’ll be “exposed as a fraud”.  Who me, a best-selling, award willing novelist?  Ha! 

Writing can be scary, but the only way to overcome fear is to face it, acknowledge it, and do that what you fear—write that novel and market and sell what you write—and have faith in your own ability.  It all begins with passion!  If you don't have passion in what you do, you won't have the patience to complete it, nor the perseverance to see it through to its ultimate success.  This stuff is not easy, but it is doable. Others do it all the time; for them it's routine.  It's all about psychology and your attitude, isn't it? 

Besides, on the other side of that fear, on the other side of that self-imposed brick wall, is what you want.  I’ve learned over these past six months since leaving teaching that fear doesn't get you anywhere!  It merely holds you back, even paralyzes you into inaction!  So now I'm focusing on what I want to achieve, giving myself deadlines to accomplish it, and have the faith that in the end that it'll all work out because passion, patience, and perseverance will see me through. 

Passion is what life’s all about.  If you don’t have passion in your life, in your marriage, in your work, in your writing, how do you expect to succeed?  If you’re not passionate about what you write, how do you expect others to feel passionate about it?  It’s that passion, I’m finding out, that keeps me writing.  It’s that passion that makes me patient for success.  It’s that passion that allows me to rewrite that novel one more time.  And it’s that passion and also the patience that allows me to persevere, to hang in there, knowing that I’m only a failure when I give up writing, when I find more excuses not to write than to write.

So, the question is, are you willing to do what’s necessary to achieve your goals?  A good place to start is with your own power of five.  What five things can you do today that will take you a step closer to achieving your goals?  It’s important to ask yourself the right questions, and then to think and write down your answers. Of course, the most important step of all is to take immediate action.  The longer you delay, the more you guarantee it won’t get done. Do it now while the thought is there!

Now this may seem silly to some, but every morning, when I do push ups in repetitions of five (that power of five again), I say: 1) I’m 2) a 3) best-selling 4) award-winning  5) writer.   Besides merely exercising, I’m changing my belief system, so I can power-of-five my way through the fear, through the day.  Because I know that on the other side of that fear, success is waiting for me. 

                                                         -Robert Raymer, Borneo Expat Writer

*Update, the 20th anniversary of Lovers and Strangers Revisited

Here are links to some of my author-to-author interviews of first novelists:

Ivy Ngeow author of Cry of the Flying Rhino, winner of the 2016 Proverse Prize.

Golda Mowe author of Iban Dream and Iban Journey.

Preeta Samarasan author of Evening is the Whole Day. 

Chuah Guat Eng,  author of Echoes of Silence and Days of Change. 

Plus:

Five part Maugham and Me series

Beheaded on Road to Nationhood: Sarawak Reclaimed—Part I